And who cares about morning trucks, except me. But its ok as this blog is turning more and more into a memory space inside my head. For no one to read. Just for me to jot some notes and memories in.
The darker recesses of memory remain unblogged and locked in the vault though. We keep the real stuff from the world and just tell them what they already know.
The morning sounds are the same everywhere
Ok maybe NOt
But its just past sunrise in Toronto
And I can hear clanking trucks
As if they have just unloaded morning wares somewhere and are returning
Empty and clanky with the day’s job done at 7 a.m
Very well behaved beta
A scream from nowhere
Very wary of Purple Prose
Never going in there
Until Life is Purple
And prosy
And convoluted and sleepless.
No unconquerable shit
Nothing that breaks me
But generally quite quite gnarly
And gargoyle like
And dead ended
And not begun
And over-lived
And too long
And under-lived, wasted on the couch.
And smeared with mustard
And weird unpredictable sentences for the heck of it.
And a well laid out neat life
School, then College
Just one messy Principal.
And insomnia ridden.
Stared at the skylight when I was a kid
Then i stared at Yahoo Chat rooms
Now I stare at TV
In between stared at Harry Potter
And morning is here
Fresh beautiful morning
So they would say
But its just a mess in pink
No longer in black
Just shaded in dawn.
I turned 22 on 22nd October 2007.
Now I feel old. When I was 21, I still felt 14, but at 22 you gotta take stock.
So it feels like going from 14 to 22. Suddenly.
The new singers on TV are definitely younger to me. People who are singing about sensitivity in bed (J.Holiday) and about being No Good (Amy Winehouse) are just 1 or 2 years older than me. And they have been through rehab or denied it. Lindsay Lohan, born in 1986 is a year younger.
Fergie is 32 years old, born in 1975. But does she look like that ?
I have witnessed Britney Spears enter the music scene, mess it up for herself, get married, have kids, fight custody battles and make a comeback. Either I have been around for a long time or she is crossing milestomes really fast. Or maybe both.
New slang like Shawty is not something I see myself inserting in my sentences and sprinkling around. It sounds juvenile. And when that happens you are OLLDD.
I have been interested in acquiring financial education of late. Another sign ?
And I no longer want to be an astronaut.
But clubbing is kickass. Better than before. I guess thats a thing for people in their twenties really. So, I am my age.
I could be doing anything now and not even breaking rules. How pointless. The funny part is that my Mom still treats me like I am supposed to return home before night and kiss guys on the cheek.
So what have I achieved ? The building up, preparing for a career is over. It has to be now. I must be in a career in the next year or so. It was so long ago when I was competing with young boys with fresh moustaches in engineering exams. The concept of Older men is vanishing.
Worst of all, my younger sister’s friend is getting married. When the world starts getting married and you can see yourself pinching thier children’s cheeks a few years down, its very reality-acquainting.
Sites like Shaadi.com and BharatMatrimony somehow track you down and suddenly my inbox gets spam offering me both homely brides and NRI guys.
And nothing has come full circle. I do not look back at my childhood and laugh at how naive I was. I still hate my school Principal and think that she was a pompous bitch. Maybe not mean, but certainly someone who did not know better.
I still want to go on family holidays and be the kid who curls up on the cane chair to read a book on the porch, not required to be part of the grown-ups’ conversation. I want to go to aunty-uncle parties and watch TV and only emerge at food time.
Adolescence is supposed to be a tough time. Was it tough for me ? I dont know. Seems to have been smooth sailing. It evaporated while playing badminton. Yeah, but now that I look back, the internet chatting and crushes and school dances and physics chapters were a long time ago.
So here I am now. Thud! Suddenly 22. I hate this.
Rihanna, born in 1988, is 18 years old. Dont wait to grow up. Do what you have to do RIGHT NOW ! -Advice from an elder.
The bottle was glowering at me in the Economics class..
I had a long long phase of Anything Goes, Anything is fine.
Suddenly it led to numbness and I guess one should have some shoulds and should nots after all, some rules and beliefs to live by.
I still find those ‘I dont like hypocrites’ kinda lines cheesy and cliched.
But I am developing my own lines suddenly, like I did when I was a teenager.
I wrote a line two posts earlier and Here is another original one….
……Ahhh sorry I forgot it. It was earth-shattering and was goin to shape my life from now onwards. But , Oh well…. (As Jonny Selvaraj would say)